Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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