The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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