textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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