This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
