yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
