I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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