I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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