Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
