I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
