dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
