I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
