I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
