my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
