What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
