So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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