I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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