2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
