I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
