he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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