Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
