she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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