Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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