I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
