I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
