I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
