Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
