I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish you could order shots online.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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