She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I FOUND THE LEGS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
