Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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