they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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