I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
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I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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