he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
