i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
