Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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