ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
