Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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