Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
