I just cut my nipple shaving
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
