listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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