I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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