I think I died a long time ago.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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