Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just high enough for therapy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
