yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
