Your face is a jimmy john
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
