During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
