i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
