Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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