I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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