P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
