She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
