Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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