yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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