Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
