I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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