I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
