Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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