Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
