Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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